Come on, you live in Lincoln. You’ve got to have noticed the swans right? And if you’ve been here as long as we have (that’s a hell of a long time) you may have also seen the Evil Goose (but that’s another story).

You may have felt several pairs of eyes on you whilst walking past the Brayford. Don’t worry, it’s just the swans watching you. Eyeing you up. They notice everything you do. You see them on the way to uni, you see them on the way home, they’re everywhere.

But how do you appease the swans? Well, the answer is obvious.

Bread. Loaf upon loaf of bread. They never stop eating and will love you forever.

As well as appeasing the swans, you can also use them to your advantage. When you invite your friends to come and visit you in Lincoln take them swan feeding (believe me, they’ll love it). It’s a cheap day out with tons of fun. Hand feeding them is the number one goal. If you or your friends manage it without ending up with missing fingers then hats off to you. You deserve a prize.

So really, the swans have no real purpose. But they’re here for our entertainment (wait until the Brayford freezes over and you’ll see what I mean), to be on the University of Lincoln logo and to have their own island in the middle of Brayford pool.

Imagine Lincoln without swans. Good god, it would be crap.