The seagulls near the Brayford will shit on your head.

In first year I lived up Lindum Hill, meaning that I had to set off quite early to get to all my lectures and that by the the time I got back from all my activities on campus I wanted to sleep. I slept a lot first year, most students do.

I would generally set off about twenty minutes before the lecture started and get there just on time.

I once managed to mismanage my timings and had set off five minutes late, knowing of the results of this catastrophic error (this lecturer also particularly penalised late students), I was hurrying along.

I could see the Main Building in site, where the lecture was, when I suddenly felt a pat on the back of my head.

I turned round and there was no-one there, so I continued walking, then I felt a wetness so decided to put my hand to the back of my head and see what was going on.

A greeny-whitey mush attached itself to my hand, all because I had walked directly under one of the many lampposts where all the seagulls sit and shit.

After a few seconds I decided to turn back, and rewashed my hair upon arriving home. I didn’t go to that lecture that day. I also had to walk up the busy High Street with a hand attached to the back of my head, I pretended like it was an injury. Probably should have got ketchup and everything.

So if you want to save your education, water, gas and time, don’t walk directly under the lampposts near the Brayford.